This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
but you’re not here..
I love the man I am with. But I don’t if its really the relationship I love. I think its the part of not being alone. I have lost so many people close together . those were the people I was closest to now I feel if there’s not someone there to see me , love me , and hold me I would feel alone and empty , like there is a void in my heart. I guess having a relationship distracts me from the pain that’s growing like a storm inside of me and keeps me from hurting myself. That’s until the pain gets to much and the voice telling me to do it wins.
The urge is strong.
When to start again it’s hard to stop. It becomes an addiction.